100 Pixel-Shroom Project || Shin's Chat || Sirfy's Discussions || Collections' Status || Commission Info

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Things are still meh for me. Sucks having awesome dreams where my life is cool and wonderful, then waking up to realize everything still sucks.
I might have to rethink taking commissions, because of how totally stupid paypal is, and that being the only method of payment the human race does. The retarded thing says when someone uses a card, I can only accept that kind of payment 5 times a year. So, since that's how most people use paypal, I don't think I can use paypal for commissions, unless someone can explain it's extreme retardedness to me and how I can still do commissions around it's retardedness.

I've also felt down lately because, I feel used. I've probably felt that way for months. It's kind of rare that people want to talk to me just to talk to me. People talk to me to get something from me, other than having my company with conversation. Not that I'm very interesting or...good to talk to anyway. I can't hold a conversation to save my life, and if I'm not happy, I'm not talkative. No surprise that I don't even have a social life online.
I don't mind helping people, I really don't. I love helping people. But it's gotten to the point where, that's all I'm good for. The only time people want to talk to me is to get my help, get something from me, or want me to do something. I know I don't IM outwardly, but that's because 90% of the time I'm interupting, bothering them, or get ignored. Which hurts, so I quit trying.

But, I think I'm gonna quit caring so much. I know after saying that, people talking to me is gonna be even less, but the way I see it, if I'm not good enough of a friend to just chat to, then what good am I at all to the person? That's how I got over my IRL friends abandoning me, so that's how I'll get over this.
It won't really change anything, except me not being hurt by people.

Sorry for the long emofest journal. People just make me sad, and this journal is all I have to express myself. I just need to stop holding onto false happiness that people actually like me and consider me a true friend, when they don't. Oh, and FYI, I'm not talking about anyone imparticular, just people in general. I've been going through this for a long time, I'm just tired of it now.

Also, my tablet is messing up even worse, to the point where it's extremely hard to do anything with it. So don't expect much art from me either =/